tune you an' me an' that butterfly net, he's a
ramblin', incoherint sort av a divil, wid wan oi on the Quane an' the
Coort, an' the other on his blessed silf--everlastin'ly playing Saysar
an' Alexandrier rowled into a lump. Now Bobs is a sensible little man.
Wid Bobs an' a few three-year-olds, I'd swape any army av the earth
into a towel, an' throw it away aftherwards. Faith, I'm not jokin'!
'Tis the bhoys--the raw bhoys--that don't know fwhat a bullut manes,
an' wudn't care av they did--that dhu the work. They're crammed wid
bull-mate till they fairly _ramps_ wid good livin'; and thin, av they
don't fight, they blow each other's hids off. 'Tis the trut' I'm
tellin' you. They shud be kept on water an' rice in the hot weather;
but there'd be a mut'ny av 'twas done.

'Did ye iver hear how Privit Mulvaney tuk the town av Lungtungpen? I
thought not! 'Twas the Lift'nint got the credit; but 'twas me planned
the schame. A little before I was inviladed from Burma, me an'
four-an'-twenty young wans undher a Lift'nint Brazenose was ruinin'
our dijeshins thryin' to catch dacoits. An' such double-ended divils I
niver knew! 'Tis only a _dah_ an' a Snider that makes a dacoit. Widout
thim, he's a paceful cultivator, an' felony for to shoot. We hunted,
an' we hunted, an' tuk fever an' elephints now an' again; but no
dacoits. Evenshually, we _puckarowed_ wan man. "Trate him tinderly,"
sez the Lift'nint. So I tuk him away into the jungle, wid the Burmese
Interprut'r an' my clanin'-rod. Sez I to the man, "My paceful
squireen," sez I, "you shquot on your hunkers an' dimonstrate to _my_
frind here, where _your_ frinds are whin they're at home?" Wid that I
introjuced him to the clanin'-rod, an' he comminst to jabber; the
Interprut'r interprutin' in betweens, an' me helpin' the Intilligince
Departmint wid my clanin'-rod whin the man misremimbered.

'Prisintly, I learn that, acrost the river, about nine miles away, was
a town just dhrippin' wid dahs, an' bohs an' arrows, an' dacoits, an'
elephints, an' _jingles_. "Good!" sez I; "this office will now close!"

'That night, I went to the Lift'nint an' communicates my information.
I never thought much of Lift'nint Brazenose till that night. He was
shtiff wid books an' the-ouries, an' all manner av thrimmin's no
manner av use. "Town did ye say?" sez he. "Accordin' to the-ouries av
War, we shud wait for reinforcemints."--"Faith!" thinks I, "we'd
betther dig our graves thin"; for the nearest throop