Damis, Dorine

Damis. May a bolt of lightning now strike me dumb,
May everybody treat me like a bum
If either respect or force can hinder me
From blowing my top at this calamity!
Dorine. For heaven's sake, control your displeasure.
Your father has merely mentioned this measure.
No one does everything he proposes.
How something opens may not be how it closes.
Damis. I need to stop this vulgar coxcomb's plot
And in two little words tell him what's what.
Dorine. Whoa now! Why don't you let your step-mother
Manage him just as she does your father.
Over Tartuffe she has her own little ways
Of making him welcome all that she says,
And perhaps she makes his heart go pitter-patter.
Pray God it's true! That would be a fine matter.
In fact she has summoned him for your sake
In order to learn exactly what's at stake,
To find out his feelings, and to let him know
What really rotten results would flow
From any pretensions he might have to marry.
His valet says he's praying, and I should tarry--
That he'll descend after he meditates.
Be off then, I beg you, and let me wait.
Damis. I demand to be here the whole time they meet.
Dorine. No. They must be alone.
Damis. I won't even speak.
Dorine. You're kidding yourself. You're so quick to anger,
And that would surely put us all in danger.
Go.
Damis. No. I'm going to watch--without getting cross.
Dorine. How tiresome you are! Here they come. Get lost!
[Damis hides himself in a closet.]

SCENE II
Tartuffe, Laurent, Dorine

Tartuffe [observing Dorine]. Laurent, lock up my hair shirt and my scourge,
And pray for freedom from each carnal urge.
If anyone comes calling, say I have gone
To share my alms with the poor souls in prison.
Dorine [aside]. Such affectation and boastful behavior!
Tartuffe. What do you wish?
Dorine. To say . . .
Tartuffe [taking a handkerchief from his pocket]. Wait! By our Savior,
Please! Before you speak take this handkerchief.
Dorine. Why?
Tartuffe. Because seeing your bosom causes me grief.
Through one's eyes one's soul may be wounded,
And then sinful thoughts may grow unattended.
Dorine. Then you are quite ready for temptation,