the decrees of God scare me to tears.
Tartuffe. I can dispel your foolish fears, madame,
For I know the art of quashing each qualm.
Though God forbids certain gratifications,
With him one can reach one's accommodations.
It is a science to stretch out the strings
Of conscience in the service of diverse things
And to rectify an evil action
With the purity of our intention.
Regarding these secrets, I shall instruct you;
You need only allow me to conduct you.
Satisfy my desire and have no fear;
I'll assume the sin and leave your soul clear.
[Elmire coughs more loudly.]
That's quite a cough, madame.
Elmire. Yes, it's a torment.
Tartuffe [offering Elmire a piece of candy]. Would it help to have a licorice or mint?
Elmire. It's an obstinate illness, and I see
That all the mints in the world won't help me
Tartuffe. It's certainly troublesome.
Elmire. That's for sure!
Tartuffe. Your scruples at least are easy to cure:
You can be sure that I will keep things quiet--
A deed is evil only if men spy it.
The noise of scandal is the source of offense;
There is no sin if one sins in silence.
Elmire [after having coughed and knocked on the table]. At last I see I'm forced to go astray,
And I must consent to let you have your way,
And that I cannot hope that short of the deed
You will be content and willing to concede.
It is very hard to be forced to do it,
And in spite of myself to stoop down to it;
But since you persist in making me obey,
Since you refuse to believe what I say,
And since you demand more convincing proof,
I'll have to give in and quit acting aloof.
If this action causes anyone grief,
The blame be on him who refused all relief.
The fault most certainly is none of mine.
Tartuffe. Yes, madame, I agree and that is fine . . .
Elmire. Peek out of the door and see, I beg you,
If my spouse is spying on our rendezvous.
Tartuffe. Why do you care what he sees or where he goes?
He's a man who loves to be led by the nose.
Our trysts are something he's proud of achieving,
And he'd watch us go to it without believing.
Elmire. No matter. Please, go have a look outside;