expense of the sutler's credit, as it was rumored that he had
furnished the stimulant.

The sutler indignantly demanded an investigation, and three officers,
presumed to possess a scent for whiskey above their fellows, were
detailed for the duty. One of these was our friend the Virginia captain.

Under penalty of losing his stripes, the corporal confessed that he had
obtained the liquor at the baker's. Thither the following evening the
detail repaired. The assistant denied all knowledge of the liquor. He
was confronted with the corporal, and admitted the charge, and that but
three bottles remained.

"By ----," said our Western Virginia captain, hands in pocket, "I smell
ten more. There are just thirteen bottles or I'll lose my straps."

The confidence of the captain impressed the detail, and they went to
work with a will--emptying barrels of crackers, probing with a bayonet
sacks of flour, etc. A short search, to the pretended amazement of the
assistant, proved the correctness of the captain's scent. The baker was
sent for, and with indignant manner and hands lifted in holy horror, he
poured volley after volley of invective at the confounded assistant.

"But, gentlemen," said the baker, dropping his tone, "I've known worse
things than this to happen. I've known even bakers to get tight."

"And your bacon would have stood a better chance of being saved if you
had got tight, instead of putting a non-commissioned officer in that
condition," said one of the detail. "The Colonel, I am afraid, Tom, will
clear you out."

"Well," sighed the baker, after a pause of a moment, "talk about Job and
all the other unfortunates since his day, why not one of them had my
variety of suffering. Did you ever hear any of my misfortunes?"

"We see one."

"My life has been a series of mishaps. I prosper occasionally in small
things, but totals knock me. God help me if I hadn't a sure port in a
storm--a self-supporting wife. For instance--but I can't commence that
story without relieving my thirst." A bottle was opened, drinks had all
around, and the baker continued--

"You see, gentlemen, when Simon was in political power, I waggled
successfully and extensively among the coal mines in Central
Pennsylvania. In those localities voters are kept underground until
election day, and they then appear above often in such unexpected force
as to knock the speculations of unsophisticated politicians. But Simon
was not one of that stripe. He k