ned silent;
and when my betrothed asked me whether the terrible accident had
absolutely petrified me, I said I could not help it, but it affected me
very little more than if I had read in some history that in some
battle, a thousand years ago, ten thousand men had perished. The misery
of this world was so near us daily and hourly, and we were, for the
most part, so culpably indifferent to it, that I could not understand
why I should all of a sudden be expected to feel so much sympathy for a
misfortune which only attracted attention because it was in the latest
newspaper; and which was, moreover, a very common one and not even
accompanied by especially horrible circumstances. I had scarcely said
this when they all fell upon me--at first, of course, in a joking way,
and my old nickname--'the heartless girl'--was raked up again; but, as
I kept quiet and rather sharply repelled the accusations of these
delicate souls, their tempers became more and more aroused, and the
most zealous sermons on philanthropy were launched at me by the very
ones who would not have given a drink of water to a sick dog, and who
would only succor a poor man if it didn't make them too much trouble.
My friend, too, had grown silent, after having at first attempted to
take my part. But, like a thorough man--for such he always remained--he
could not conceal from himself the frightful truth that I was by no
means sufficiently soft and womanly in my feelings. My combative spirit
began to trouble him more and more--I could see this clearly--but now
all my pride was enlisted against any smoothing over or suppression of
my true nature. Although I was very near bursting into tears, I kept up
my bravery, fought out my case, and had the miserable satisfaction of
appearing to bear off the victory. A dearly-purchased victory! From
this evening my lover perceptibly began to draw back, my 'best friend'
took it upon herself to enlighten him more and more concerning my
character; and since she herself possessed those very traits which were
lacking in me, and which alone, it is said, can guarantee the happiness
of marriage, nothing could be more natural than that before three weeks
were up he should become engaged to this sympathetic being, who for
thirteen years now has--. But I will say nothing bad of her. She has
certainly done _me_ a great service, for, perhaps, I might not have
made this man much happier. And, at the time, she spared me a hard
spiritual struggle