k
disillusioned. I saw the machinery. When you reflect on the vast and
intricate machinery employed by mothers with grown-up daughters, you may
imagine what I saw. In all honesty and sincerity I wished to marry; but
in the ease with which I saw I could do so lay my chief difficulty. I
did not want a new toy, but a companion. I suppose I still clung to one
last illusion, that I might meet a woman whom I could love, and who
would love me, and not my name or income. I could not find her, but I
still believed in her. I went everywhere in the hope of meeting her,
and, if others have ever been disappointed in me, they have never known
how disappointed I have been in them. For three years I looked for her
everywhere, but I could not find her, and at last I gave her up. And
then I met Lady Grace Lawrence, and liked her. I had reason to believe
she could be disinterested. She came of good people--all Lawrences are
good; she was simple and unspoiled, and she seemed to like me. When I
look back I believe that I had decided to ask her to marry me, and that
it was only by the merest chance that I left London without speaking to
her. What prevented me I hardly know, unless it was a reluctance at the
last moment to cast the die. I came down to Atherstone, harassed and
anxious, tired of everything and everybody, and there," said Charles,
with sudden passion, turning and looking full at Ruth, "there I met
_you_."

The blood rushed to her face, and she hastily interposed, "I don't see
any necessity to bring my name in."

"Perhaps not," he returned, recovering himself instantly;
"unfortunately, I do."

"You expect too much of my vanity," said Ruth, her voice trembling a
little; "but in this instance I don't think you can turn it to account.
I beg you will leave me out of the question."

"I am sorry I cannot oblige you," he said, grimly; "but you can't be
left out. I only regret that you dislike being mentioned, because that
is a mere nothing to what is coming."

She trusted that he did not perceive that the reason she made no reply
was because she suddenly felt herself unable to articulate. Her heart
was beating wildly, as that gentle, well conducted organ had never
beaten before. What was coming? Could this stern, determined man be the
same apathetic, sarcastic being whom she had hitherto known?

"From that time," he continued, "I became surer and surer of what at
first I hardly dared to hope, what it seemed presumption in me to h