easant old
gentleman, but under present conditions you are a blundering old
bore."

"That's not bad--indeed, a blundering old bore is pretty good. Let me
see," he continued, looking up the word "bore" in the index of the
_Thesaurus_, "What else am I? Maybe I'm an unmitigated nuisance, an
exasperating and egregious glum, a carking care, and a pestiferous
pill, eh?"

"You are all of that," I said, wearily. "Your meanness surpasseth all
things. I've met a good many tough characters in my day, but you are
the first I have ever encountered without a redeeming feature. You
take advantage of a mistake for which I am not at all responsible, and
what do you do?"

"Tell me," he replied. "What do I do? I shall be delighted to hear.
I've been asking myself that question for years. What do I do? Go on,
I implore you."

"You rub it in, that's what," I retorted. "You take advantage of me.
You bait me; you incommode me. You--you--"

"Here, take the _Thesaurus_," he said, as I hesitated for the word.
"It will help you. I provoke you, I irritate you, I make you mad, I
sour your temper, I sicken, disgust, revolt, nauseate, repel you. I
rankle your soul. I jar you--is that it?"

"Give me the book," I cried, desperately. "Yes!" I added, referring to
the page. "You tease, irk, harry, badger, infest, persecute. You gall,
sting, and convulse me. You are a plain old beast, that's what you
are. You're a conscienceless sneak and a wherret--you mean-souled blot
on the face of nature!"

Here I broke down and wept, and the old gentleman's sides shook with
laughter. He was, without exception, the most extraordinary old person
I had ever encountered, and in my tears I cursed the English language
because it was inadequate properly to describe him.

For a time there was silence. I was exhausted and my tormentor was
given over to his own enjoyment of my discomfiture. Finally, however,
he spoke.

"I'm a pretty old man, my dear fellow," he said. "I shouldn't like to
tell you how old, because if I did you'd begin on the _Thesaurus_
again with the word 'liar' for your lead. Nevertheless, I'm pretty
old; but I want to say to you that in all my experience I have never
had so diverting a half-hour as you have given me. You have been so
outspoken, so frank--"

"Oh, indeed--I've been frank, have I?" I interrupted. "Well, what I
have said isn't a marker to what I'd like to have said and would have
said if language hadn't its limitations. You are the