sat for some time, five hundred yards from
the ground, expecting every moment to be blown down by the wind, or to
fall by my own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the ridge
to the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse's footmen, climbed up,
and putting me into his breeches-pocket, brought me down safe.

I was so weak and bruised in the sides with the squeezes given me by
this odious animal, that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight. The
king, queen, and all the court, sent every day to inquire after my
health, and her majesty made me several visits during my sickness. The
monkey was killed, and an order made that no such animal should be kept
about the palace.

When I attended the king, after my recovery, to return him thanks for
his favors, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this adventure.
He asked me what my thoughts and speculations were while I lay in the
monkey's paw. He desired to know what I would have done upon such an
occasion in my own country. I told his majesty that in Europe we had no
monkeys, except such as were brought for curiosities from other places,
and so small, that I could deal with a dozen of them together if they
presumed to attack me. And as for that monstrous animal with whom I was
so lately engaged (it was, indeed, as large as an elephant) if my fears
had suffered me to think so far as to make use of my hanger (looking
fiercely, and clapping my hand upon the hilt, as I spoke) when he poked
his paw into my chamber, perhaps I should have given him such a wound as
would have made him glad to withdraw it with more haste than he put it
in. This I delivered in a firm tone, like a person who was jealous lest
his courage should be called in question.

However, my speech produced nothing else besides a loud laughter, which
all the respect due to his majesty from those about him could not make
them contain. This made me reflect how vain an attempt it is for a man
to endeavor to do himself honor among those who are out of all degree of
equality or comparison with him. And yet I have seen the moral of my own
behavior very frequent in England since my return, where a little
contemptible varlet,[72] without the least title to birth, person, wit,
or common-sense, shall presume to look with importance, and put himself
upon a foot with the greatest persons of the kingdom.

I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story; and
Glumdalclitch, although she loved me