ockets, and "God bless our Home" in golden stars.

"All very pretty," said I, "but what were the results?"

"Precisely what I anticipated. A deserter came over yesterday who was
through it all and didn't intend to go through it again. They had got
the wind up properly, he said, hadn't had a wink of sleep for a week.
His officers had scratched themselves bald-headed trying to guess what
it was all about. All ranks stood to continuously, up to their waists
in mud, frozen stiff and half drowned, while _my_ brave little rogues
of _poilus_, mark you, slept warm in their dug-outs, and the only man
on duty was the lad who was touching the fireworks off. O friend of
mine, there is much innocent fun to be got out of the Boche if you'll
only give him a chance!"

PATLANDER.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Verger_ (_to Mrs. Smith, about to wed for fourth
time_). "VERY UNUSUAL INDEED, MRS. SMITH. I CAN'T REMEMBER ANY OF THE
OTHER THREE BEING QUITE SO LATE AS THIS."]

* * * * *

"The position of men who were not 41 before June 24, 1917,
and who have since attained 41 is again the subject of much
confusion."--_Daily Dispatch_.

We can well believe this.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Mollie_ (_who has been naughty and condemned to
"no toast"_). "OH, MUMMY! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I'D RATHER HAVE A HARD
SMACK--_ANYWHERE YOU LIKE_."]

* * * * *

A CURE FOR CURIOSITY.

(_An Idealistic Fable_.)

Alfonso Ebenezer Scutt
Could never keep his mouth close shut;
And when I mention that his tongue
Was flexible and loosely hung,
You will begin to understand
Why he was honoured in our land.

A lucky _coup_ in mining shares
Released him from financial cares,
And though his wife was strangely plain--
A lady of Peruvian strain--
She had a handsome revenue
Derived from manganese and glue.
Thus fortified, in Nineteen-Six
Alfonso entered politics,
Ousting from Sludgeport-on-the-Ouse
A Tory of old-fashioned views.
Alfonso Scutt, though wont to preach
In chapels, rarely made a speech,
But managed very soon to climb
To eminence at Question Time.
Fired by insatiable thirst
For knowledge, from the very first
He launched upon an endless series
Of quite unnecessary queries,
Till overworked officials came
To loathe the mention of his name.
At last their