general delirium of the
uncontrolled and wicked _mob_ ...
Feeling the bridles of the High Commissaries, unable to do something
to them, understanding the guidance under a sauce of self government,
the _mob_ was avenging itself on the inhabitants of the Mansion.
46
I wonder where Lucie is now?
Something heavy and depressing is in my mind this last time; some
fog in my thoughts; I think I am losing my standing of a gentleman,
dealing with all of these people. My language has become vulgar; my
manners, also. I begin....
(_few lines scratched out_)
47
... This morning Pashinsky repeated that the Em. will be taken to
Ekaterinburg with the Empress and the Heir. The daughters will stay
here for a while. "Believe me, we'll have a good time," he said,
offensively breathing in my face.
I stood near the gates of the fence when Dr. Botkin passed. Nobody was
near me, Pashinsky having gone for a drink of water into the quarters.
I said without turning my head:
"Decision taken to send only the Em. and Empress and the Heir.
Daughters will stay here." Dr. Botkin did not stop. Then, as guard, I
did not let him in, and as if I were examining him (that was my
right) I said, "Please warn the ladies, and tell the Emperor that the
Commissary did not act badly; I guess there is no danger in his going
away. I fear for the ladies only."
"You don't mean it! They double-crossed us! They assured us all would
go. The scoundrels! Now please let me go,--and thank you, you strange
man."
I let him go.
Pashinsky appeared and looked at me. "Are you getting tired of this
muzzle, too? Isn't he a ...?"
"Yes," I said, "I must watch him closer now. I think we had better
watch him. You stay on the other side, and I'll be here near the
windows.
"All right," he said. "Then we can meet here. I'm going to walk
from the garden to the fence, and you stay right here. What is your
suspicion?"
"Nothing in particular," I answered.... "Just the ordinary one; I
don't like him. That's all."
So we walked the way he proposed. Every time he would be near the
garden, he would cough in such a noisy and sardonic way that the
Heir, who was sitting with Derevenko on the bench would turn his long,
pensive face, and his old sailor guardian would look with hatred on
the rascal.
When Pashinsky was away, the window behind me opened very cautiously
and a lady's voice said to me, "Don't turn. Is it true they are to
take Father a
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