t.

Yours fondly,
GLADYS JONES.

P.S.--The furniture which he threw was not his property to dispose
of. G.J.

When my wife got a flash of this letter she made a kick to the
effect that it was some kind of a cypher, possibly the beginning of
a secret correspondence.

It was up to me to hand Gladys the frosty get-back, so this is what
I said:

Respected Madam:--I'm a slob on that bridge whist thing, plain
poker being the only game with cards that ever coaxes my dough from
the stocking, but I'll do the advice gag if it chokes me:

Bridge whist is played with, cards, just like pinochle, with the
exception of the beer.

Not enough cards is a misdeal; too many cards is a mistake; and
cards up the sleeve is a slap on the front piazza if they catch you
at it.

You shouldn't get up and dance the snakentine dance every time you
take a trick. It looks more genteel and picturesque to do the
two-step.

When your opponent has not followed suit it is not wise to pick out
a loud tone of voice and tell him about it. Reach under the table
and kick him on the shins. If it hurts him he is a cheater; if it
doesn't hurt him always remember that you are a lady.

Don't forget what is trumps more than eighteen times during one
hand. The limit used to be twenty-six times, but since the
insurance people have been playing Hyde and seek the best bridge
whist authorities have put the limit down to eighteen.

It isn't wise to have a conniption fit every time you lose a trick.
Nothing looks so bad as a conniption fit when it doesn't match the
complexion, and generally it delays the game.

When the game is close don't get excited and climb up on the table.
It shows a want of refinement, especially if you are not a quick
climber.

Never whistle while waiting for someone to play. Whistling is not
in good taste. Go over and bite out a couple of tunes on the piano.

When your opponent trumps an ace don't ever hit him carelessly
across the forehead with the bric-a-brac. Always remember when you
are in Society that bric-a-brac is expensive.

Don't lead the ten of clubs by mistake for the ace of trumps and
then get mad and jump seventeen feet in the air because they refuse
to let you pull it back.

In order to jump seventeen feet in the air you would have to go
through the room upstairs, and how do you know whose room it is?

There, Gladys, if you follow these rules I think you can play the
game of brid