d him recurred
to his mind; he could have fancied that the hot, stuffy, incense-laden
air of the church was full of flapping daws and hideous bats. Deadly
horror crept over him; but then, suddenly, the rebound came of youthful
vigor, longing for freedom and joy in living; a voice within cried out:
"Away with coercion and chains! Winged spirit, use your pinions! Down
with the god of terrors! He is not that Heavenly Father whose love
embraces mankind. Forward, leap up and be free! Trusting in your
own strength, guided by your own will, go boldly forth into the open
sunshine of life! Be free, be free!--Still, be not like a slave who is
no sooner cut adrift and left to himself than he falls a slave again to
his own senses. No; but striving unceasingly and of your own free will,
in the sweat of your brow, to reach the high goal, to work out to its
fulfilment and fruition everything that is best in your soul and mind.
Yes--life is a ministry.... I, like the disciples of the Stoa, will
strive after all that is known as virtue, with no other end in view than
to practise it for its own sake, because it is fair and gives unmixed
joys. I will rely on myself to seek the truth--and do what I feel to
be right and good; this, henceforth, shall be the lofty aim of my
existence. To the two chief desires of my heart--: atonement to my
father and union with Paula, I here add a third: the attainment of the
loftiest goal that I may reach, by valiant striving to get as near to it
as my strength will allow. The road thither is by Work; the guiding star
I must keep before me that I may not go astray is my Love!"

His cheeks were burning, and with a deep breath he looked about him as
though to find an adversary with whom he might measure his strength. The
horrible sermon was ended and the words of the chanting crowd fell on
his ear. "Lord, reward me not according to mine iniquities!" The load of
his own sin fell on his heart again, and his dying father's curse;
his proud head drooped on his breast, and he said to himself that his
burthen was too heavy for him to venture on the bold flight for which he
had but now spread his wings. The ban was not yet lifted; he was not yet
redeemed from its crushing weight. But the mere word "redeemed" brought
to his mind the image of Him who took on Himself the sins of the world;
and the more deeply he contemplated the nature of the Saviour whom he
had loved from his childhood, the more surely he felt that it w