nto a proverb, should have met with all due estimation in the eyes of
Mrs. Lackobreath. But to return.

My exertions, as I have before said, proved fruitless. Closet after
closet--drawer after drawer--corner after corner--were scrutinized to
no purpose. At one time, however, I thought myself sure of my prize,
having, in rummaging a dressing-case, accidentally demolished a bottle
of Grandjean's Oil of Archangels--which, as an agreeable perfume, I here
take the liberty of recommending.

With a heavy heart I returned to my boudoir--there to ponder upon some
method of eluding my wife's penetration, until I could make arrangements
prior to my leaving the country, for to this I had already made up
my mind. In a foreign climate, being unknown, I might, with some
probability of success, endeavor to conceal my unhappy calamity--a
calamity calculated, even more than beggary, to estrange the affections
of the multitude, and to draw down upon the wretch the well-merited
indignation of the virtuous and the happy. I was not long in hesitation.
Being naturally quick, I committed to memory the entire tragedy of
"Metamora." I had the good fortune to recollect that in the accentuation
of this drama, or at least of such portion of it as is allotted to
the hero, the tones of voice in which I found myself deficient were
altogether unnecessary, and the deep guttural was expected to reign
monotonously throughout.

I practised for some time by the borders of a well frequented
marsh;--herein, however, having no reference to a similar proceeding of
Demosthenes, but from a design peculiarly and conscientiously my own.
Thus armed at all points, I determined to make my wife believe that I
was suddenly smitten with a passion for the stage. In this, I succeeded
to a miracle; and to every question or suggestion found myself at
liberty to reply in my most frog-like and sepulchral tones with some
passage from the tragedy--any portion of which, as I soon took great
pleasure in observing, would apply equally well to any particular
subject. It is not to be supposed, however, that in the delivery of
such passages I was found at all deficient in the looking asquint--the
showing my teeth--the working my knees--the shuffling my feet--or in
any of those unmentionable graces which are now justly considered
the characteristics of a popular performer. To be sure they spoke of
confining me in a strait-jacket--but, good God! they never suspected me
of having lost