the guttural) depending, I find, not
upon the current of the breath, but upon a certain spasmodic action of
the muscles of the throat.

Throwing myself upon a chair, I remained for some time absorbed in
meditation. My reflections, be sure, were of no consolatory kind. A
thousand vague and lachrymatory fancies took possession of my soul--and
even the idea of suicide flitted across my brain; but it is a trait in
the perversity of human nature to reject the obvious and the ready, for
the far-distant and equivocal. Thus I shuddered at self-murder as the
most decided of atrocities while the tabby cat purred strenuously upon
the rug, and the very water dog wheezed assiduously under the table,
each taking to itself much merit for the strength of its lungs, and all
obviously done in derision of my own pulmonary incapacity.

Oppressed with a tumult of vague hopes and fears, I at length heard the
footsteps of my wife descending the staircase. Being now assured of
her absence, I returned with a palpitating heart to the scene of my
disaster.

Carefully locking the door on the inside, I commenced a vigorous search.
It was possible, I thought, that, concealed in some obscure corner, or
lurking in some closet or drawer, might be found the lost object of my
inquiry. It might have a vapory--it might even have a tangible form.
Most philosophers, upon many points of philosophy, are still very
unphilosophical. William Godwin, however, says in his "Mandeville," that
"invisible things are the only realities," and this, all will allow, is
a case in point. I would have the judicious reader pause before accusing
such asseverations of an undue quantum of absurdity. Anaxagoras, it
will be remembered, maintained that snow is black, and this I have since
found to be the case.

Long and earnestly did I continue the investigation: but the
contemptible reward of my industry and perseverance proved to be only
a set of false teeth, two pair of hips, an eye, and a bundle of
billets-doux from Mr. Windenough to my wife. I might as well here
observe that this confirmation of my lady's partiality for Mr. W.
occasioned me little uneasiness. That Mrs. Lackobreath should admire
anything so dissimilar to myself was a natural and necessary evil. I am,
it is well known, of a robust and corpulent appearance, and at the
same time somewhat diminutive in stature. What wonder, then, that the
lath-like tenuity of my acquaintance, and his altitude, which has grown
i