ns which would cause me to make that
choice quite independent of my character. Nature has given women beauty
of face and figure, but there she stopped, and to make her pay for that
gift she has handicapped her in every possible way.

And when I consider that there are in this world more ugly women than
beautiful ones, and that an ugly woman is the abomination of desolation,
an anomaly, a freak, I altogether fail to see why ninety women out of a
hundred should return thanks for being women. I have no hesitation in
saying that the woman who is not beautiful has no _raison d'etre_, and
that only a few beautiful women are happy to be alive after they are
forty.

Women have terrible grievances, many of which society and legislation
(that is to say, in the second case, man) ought to redress. But the
greatest grievances of women are, to my mind, against nature. These
grievances cannot and will never be redressed.

In love woman has an unfair position. She gets old when a man of the
same age remains young. In every race she is handicapped out of any
chance of winning or even getting a dead heat. For these reasons
especially I should elect to be a man.

Ah, what a pity we cannot decide our fate in every phase of life! in
which case I would elect to be a beautiful woman from twenty to thirty,
a brilliant officer from thirty to forty, a celebrated painter from
forty to fifty, a famous poet or novelist from fifty to sixty, Prime
Minister of England or President of the United States from sixty to
seventy, and a Cardinal for the rest of my life.

CHAPTER VIII

RAMBLES IN WOMANLAND

When a woman says of her husband, 'He is a wretch!' she may still love
him; probably she does. When she says, 'Oh, he is a good sort'--poor
fellow!

* * *

After bravery and generosity, tact and discretion are the two qualities
that women most admire in men; audacity comes next.

* * *

Speaking of his wife, a Duke says, 'The Duchess'; a man standing always
on ceremony, 'Mrs. B.'; a gentleman, 'My wife'; an idiot, 'My better
half'; a common man, 'The missus'; a working man, as a compliment, 'The
old woman'; a French grocer, 'La patronne'; a French working man, 'La
bourgeoise.' The sweet French word 'epouse' is only used now by Paris
concierges.

* * *

Women are roses. I always suspected it from the thorns.

* * *

In the good old times of poetry and adventures, when a man was refused
a girl