spected. In Egypt the donkeys of
a man are respected, ay, and even his donkey-boys, when he shows
himself able and willing to knock down all those around him.

A great man there, a native, killed his cook one morning in a rage;
and a dragoman, learned in languages, thus told the story to an
Englishman:--"De sahib, him vera respecble man. Him kill him cook,
Solyman, this morning. Oh, de sahib particklar respecble!" After
all, it may be questioned whether this be not a truer criterion of
respectability than that other one of keeping a gig.

Oh, those pyramid guides! foul, false, cowardly, bullying thieves! A
man who goes to Cairo _must_ see the Pyramids. Convention, and the
laws of society as arranged on that point, of course require it. But
let no man, and, above all, no woman, assume that the excursion will
be in any way pleasurable. I have promised that I will not describe
such a visit, but I must enter a loud, a screeching protest against
the Arab brutes--the schieks being the very worst of the brutes--who
have these monuments in their hands. Their numbers, the filthiness of
their dress--or one might almost say no dress--their stench, their
obscene indecency, their clattering noise, their rapacity, exercised
without a moment's intercession; their abuse, as in this wise: "Very
bad English-man; dam bad; dam, dam, dam! Him want to take all him
money to the grave; but no, no, no! Devil hab him, and money too!"
This, be it remembered, from a ferocious, almost blackened Arab, with
his face within an inch of your own. And then their flattery, as in
this wise: "Good English-man--very good!"--and then a tawny hand pats
your face, and your back, and the calves of your leg--"Him gib poor
Arab one shilling for himself--yes, yes, yes! and then Arab no let
him tumble down and break all him legs--yes, yes; break _all_ him
legs." And then the patting goes on again. These things, I say, put
together, make a visit to the Pyramids no delightful recreation. My
advice to my countrymen who are so unfortunate as to visit them is
this: Let the ladies remain below--not that they ever will do so, if
the gentlemen who are with them ascend--and let the men go armed with
stout sticks, and mercilessly belabour any Arab who attempts either
to bully or to wheedle.

Let every Englishman remember this also, that the ascent is not
difficult, though so much noise is made about the difficulty as
naturally to make a man think that it is so. And let thi