ed it
on the first customer that come in, and got it right in his own face,
and then the bulb in his pants pocket got to leaking, and the rest of
the water ran down the grocery man's trouser's leg, and he gave it up in
disgust, and handed it back to the boy.

"How was it your Pa had to be carried home from the sociable in a hack
the other night?" asked the grocery man, as he stood close to the stove
so his pants leg would dry. "He has not got to drinking again, has he?"

"O, no," said the boy, as he filled the bulb with vinegar, to practice
on his chum, "It was this bouquet that got Pa into the trouble. You see
I got Pa to smell of it, and I just filled him chuck full of water.
He got mad and called me all kinds of names, and said I was no good on
earth, and I would fetch up in state's prison, and then he wanted to
borrow it to wear to the sociable. He said he would have more fun than
you could shake a stick at, and I asked him if he didn't think he would
fetch up in state's prison, and he said it was different with a man. He
said when a man played a joke there was a certain dignity about it
that was lacking in a boy. So I lent it to him, and we all went to the
sociable in the basement of the church. I never see Pa more kitteny than
he was that night. He filled the bulb with ice water, and the first one
he got to smell of his button-hole bouquet was an old maid who thinks
Pa is a heathen, but she likes to be made something of by anybody that
wears pants, and when Pa sidled up to her and began talking about what a
great work the christian wimmen of the land were doing in educating
the heathen, she felt real good, and then she noticed Pa's posey in his
button-hole and she touched it, and then she reached over her beak to
smell of it. Pa he squeezed the bulb, and about half a teacupful of
water struck her right in the nose, and some went into her strangle
place, and _O, my_, didn't she yell."

[Illustration: One for the old maid 022]

"The sisters gathered around her, and they said her face was all covered
with perspiration, and the paint was coming off, and they took her in
the kitchen, and she told them Pa had slapped her with a dish of ice
cream, and the wimmin told the minister and the deacons, and they went
to Pa for a nexplanation, and Pa told them it was not so, and the
minister got interested and got near Pa, and Pa let the water go at him,
and hit him on the eye, and then a deacon got a dose, and Pa laughed;
a