dwelling-house; no, my Lord, 'tis
absolutely and _bona fide_ neither more nor less than a kitchen, or, as
the law more classically expresses, a kitchen is, _camera necessaria pro
usus cookare; cum saucepannis, stewpannis, scullero, dressero, coalholo,
stovis, smoak-jacko,pro roastandum, boilandum,fryandum, et plum-pudding
mixandum, pro turtle soupos, calve's-head-hashibus, cum calipee et
calepashibus_.

"But we shall not avail ourselves of an _alibi_, but admit of the
existence of a cook-maid. Now my Lord, we shall take it upon a new
ground, and beg a new trial; for, as they have curtailed our name from
plain Mary into Moll, I hope the court will not allow of this; for, if
they were to allow of mistakes, what would the law do? for, when the
law don't find mistakes, it is the business of the law to make them."
Therefore the court allowed them the liberty of a new trial; for the law
is our liberty, and it is happy for us we have the liberty to go to law.

{70}By all the laws of laughing, every man is at liberty to play the
fool with himself; but some people, fearful it would take from their
consequence, choose to do it by proxy: hence comes the appearance of
keeping fools in great families. [_Takes the head._] Thus are they
dressed, and shew, by this party-coloured garment, they are related to
all the wise families in the kingdom.

This is a Fool's Cap; 'tis put upon Nobody's head. Nobody's face is
without features, because we could not put Anybody's face upon Nobody's
head. This is the head of Somebody. [_Takes the head._] It has two
faces, for Somebody is supposed to carry two faces. One of these
faces is handsome, the other rather ill-favoured. The handsome face
is exhibited as a hint to that part {71}of mankind who are always
whispering among their acquaintance, how well they are with Somebody,
and that Somebody is a very fine woman. One of those boasters of beauty,
one night at a tavern, relating his amazing amours, the toast-master
called him to order, and a gentleman in a frolic, instead of naming
any living lady for his toast, gave the Greek name of the tragic muse
Melpomene; upon which the boaster of beauty, the moment he heard the
word Melpomene, addresses the toast-master, "Oh! ho! Mr. Toastmaster,
you are going a round of demireps. Ay, ay, Moll Pomene, I remember her
very well; she was a very fine girl, and so was her sister, Bet Po-mene;
I had 'em both at a certain house, you know where?" Can we help smili