ily phonograph. One may judge of his particular
stage of musical evolution by his purchases, which are: "Meet me in
St. Louis, Louis," "Dance of the Honey Bells," "Hello Central, Give me
Heaven," "Fashion Plate March," and "I Know that I'll be Happy when I
Die." He also notices in the catalogue a piece called "Tannhaeuser
March," and, after some hesitation, buys this as well, because the
name sounds so much like his favorite brand of beer that he suspects
it to be music of a convivial nature--a medley of drinking-songs,
perhaps.

But that evening in the parlor it does not seem much like beer. When
the Mephisto Military Band strikes it up--far from seeming in the
least alcoholic, it exhilarates nobody. So Jones inters it in the
darkest corner of the music-cabinet. And the family devote themselves
to the cake-walks and comic medleys, the fandangoes and tangos, the
xylophone solos, the shakedowns and break-downs and the rags and
tatters of their collection until they have thoroughly exhausted the
delights thereof. Then, having had time to forget somewhat the
flatness of "Tannhaeuser," and for want of anything better to do, they
take out the despised record, dust it, and insert it into the machine.
But this time, curiously enough, the thing does not sound quite so
flat. After repeated playings, it even begins to rival the "Fashion
Plate March" in its appeal. And it keeps on growing in grace until
within a year the "Fashion Plate March" is as obsolete as fashion
plates have a habit of growing within a year, while "Tannhaeuser" has
won the distinction of being the best-wearing record in the cabinet.

Then it begins to occur to the Jones family that there must be two
kinds of musical food: candy and staples. Candy, like the "Fashion
Plate March," tastes wonderfully sweet to the unsophisticated palate
as it goes down; but it is easy to take too much. And the cheaper the
candy, the swifter the consequent revulsion of feeling. As for the
staples, there is nothing very piquant about their flavor; but if they
are of first quality, and if one keeps his appetite healthy, one
seems to enjoy them more and more and to thrive on them three times a
day.

Accordingly, Jones is commissioned, when next he visits the
music-store, to get a few more records like "Tannhaeuser." On this
occasion, he may even be rash enough to experiment with a Schubert
march, or a Weber overture, or one of the more popular movements of a
Beethoven sonata. And