it on widout it."

Flaherty--"He couldn't. Iv there wor no saloons there'd be no poor min."

* * * * *

A member of the police force came across a boy the other day who was
wheeling home a load of oyster cans and bottles, and, curious to know
what use the lad could put them to, he made a direct inquiry.

"Going to throw them into our back yard," replied the boy. "I took two
loads home yesterday."

"But what do you use them for?"

"I'd just as lief tell," continued the boy, as he spit on his hands to
resume hold on the barrow. "We are going to have some relashuns come in
from the country. We may not have much to eat, but if they see these
cans and bottles and boxes they'll think we've had isters, champagne,
figs and nuts till we've got tired of 'em, and are living on bread and
taters for a healthy change."

* * * * *

Col. Sam Reed was breakfasting at Delmonico's. After looking over the
French menu he said to the waiter:

"You may bring me some eggs blushing like Aurora, and some breeches in
the royal fashion, with velvet sauce; and for dessert be sure you bring
a stew of good christians, and a mouthful of ladies."

The astonished waiter said:

"Sir, we don't serve such dishes."

"Yes, you do," said the guest, pointing to the bill of fare--"Oeufs a la
Aurore--culottes a la royale sacque veloute--compote de bon
cretiens--bouchee de dames."

"All right," said the waiter--"ready in two minutes, sir."

* * * * *

"Patrick, you were on a bad spree yesterday."

"Yis, Mr. Ellis, I was. Bless me if I weren't a-layin' in the gutter wid
a pig. Father Ryan came along, looked at me, and says says he 'One is
known by the company he kapes."

"And did you get up, Patrick?"

"No, but the pig did."

* * * * *

Gladstone was a marvelous conversationalist and particularly alive at
dinner parties, where, by the way, in his more vigorous days, he came
rightly near monopolizing the conversation. Two well-known men about
town who prided themselves on their ability to be interesting at the
dinner table were invariably eclipsed when Gladstone was present. No
matter what the subject broached, before it had proceeded far, the
G. O. M. forged to the front, and by his familiarity with the question,
became the focus of all eyes and ears. Tired of being thus overshadowed,
the gentlemen referred to hit up