--with little girls speaking a few pieces about the flowers and lambs,
and so on, and cleaning up about eleven-twenty-nine on the evening's
revel--or it would be that, only you find you forgot to pay the Golden
Rule Cash Store for the red-and-blue bunting, and they're howling for
their money like a wild-cat. Yes, sir; that's been the way of it with
woman at the helium. I wouldn't wish to be a Belgian at all under
present circumstances; but if I did have to be one I'd hate to think my
regular meals was depending on any crooked work you ladies has done up
to date."

"You'd cheer me strangely," I says, "only I been a diligent reader of
history, and somehow I can't just recall your name being connected up
with any cataclysms of finance. I don't remember you ever starting one
of these here panics--or stopping one, for that matter. I did hear that
you'd had your pocket picked down to the San Francisco Fair."

I was prodding him along, understand, so he'd flare up and tell me what
his secret enterprise was that would make women's operations look silly
and feminine. I seen his eyes kind of glisten when I said this about him
being touched.

"That's right," he says. "Some lad nicked me for my roll and my return
ticket, and my gold watch and chain, and my horseshoe scarfpin with the
diamonds in it."

"You stood a lot of pawing over," I says, "for a man that's the keen
financial genius you tell about being. This lad must of been a new hand
at it. Likely he'd took lessons from a correspondence school. At least,
with you standing tied and blinded that way, a good professional one
would have tried for your gold tooth--or, anyway, your collar button. I
see your secret though," I go on as sarcastically as possible: "You got
the lad's address and you're going to have him here Saturday night to
glide among the throng and ply his evil trade. Am I right or wrong?"

"You are not," he says. "I never thought of that. But I won't say you
ain't warm in your guess. Yes, you certainly are warm, because what I'm
going to do is just as dastardly, without being so darned illegal,
except to an extent."

Well, it was very exasperating, but that was all I could get out of
him. When I ask for details he just clams up.

"But, mark my words," says the old smarty, "I'll show you it takes
brains in addition to woman's wiles and artwork to make a decent
clean-up in this little one-cylinder town."

"If you just had a little more self-confidence," I sa