f a child should
fall into any lake or river and be in peril of drowning, any dog may be
allowed to remove its muzzle for the purpose of effecting a rescue.

***

During the removal of a safe weighing three hundredweight some burglars
last week used cushions and mats to deaden the sound. We are greatly
pleased to note a tendency to study residents a little. After all it is
most irritating to be awakened by noisy burglars in the house.

***

The No-Treating Order was revoked on June 4th, and it is generally
expected that this date will be made an annual, public holiday in
Scotland.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Small Bagsnatcher_. "RIGHT-O, GUV'NOR. I SEE YER BEEN
WOUNDED. I SHAN'T KNOCK 'YER ABAHT."]

* * * * *

There was an impenitent duke
Who would not submit to rebuke--
Not even from SMILLIE,
But called him a wily
Text-mongering Bolshi-Bazouk.

* * * * *

"PERSONAL.

"Major C. ----, late R.A.V.C., who is now disembodied, has returned
to ----, and will resume his practice as heretofore."--_Yorkshire
Observer_.

Now then, Sir OLIVER LODGE and Sir ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE, get busy.

* * * * *

THE BALAAM STAKES.

They were speeding along in the train to the Dispersal Area, and, having
moved heaven and earth to achieve demobilisation, were now absolutely
miserable on nearing their goal.

"Like to pick your fancy for the Derby, Docker?" asked Jimmy Ferguson,
proffering his daily paper with an air of acute cheerfulness.

"Not fer me," said Docker Morgan dismally; "I sworn off after the Balaam
Stakes."

"I never 'eard tell of that race," said Jimmy.

"Well, it ain't one of the classic events. It were run over there."
Docker jerked a thumb vaguely in the direction of France. "At a
'Concours Hippique,' which is posh fer 'Race Meeting.' Our orficers
arranged it just afore our troops left the area, and nacherally fixed
it fer the most awkward time fer me an' Nigger Rolf, being just between
paydays. After payin' to go on the course we'd only got five francs
left fer investment purposes. Nigger wanted to plunge right away, but I
stopped 'im.

"'No,' says I; 'we don't know 'orses, but we does know mules, leastways
as much as anyone does know mules. Let's scoop on this.'

"'An' I showed 'im the programme, which said:--

"'5.30.--THE BALA