e been an irresistible creature, certainly, Mr. Tims,"
said I. "Well, how did you come on?"

"Irresistible! but you shall hear, sir. I foresaw that, in soliciting
the honour of the fair damsel's hand, I should have much opposition to
encounter from the rivalry of the three learned professions, to say
nothing of the gentlemen of the sword and of the buskin; but, thinks
I to myself, 'faint heart never won fair lady,' so I at once set up a
snuff-box, looked as tip-topping as possible, and commenced canvassing.

"The second _elite_ (for I know a _leetle_ French, having for
three months, during my apprenticeship, had the honour of frizling the
head-gear of Count Witruvius de Caucason, who occupied private
state-lodgings at the sign of the Blue Boar in the Poultry, and who
afterwards decamped without clearing scores)--the second _elite_
(for I make a point, sir, of having two strings to my bow) was Mrs. Joan
Sweetbread, a person of exquisite parts, but fiery temper, at that time
aged thirty-three, twelve stone weight, head cook and housekeeper to Sir
Anthony Macturk, a Scotch baronet, who rusticated in the vicinity of
town. I made her a few evening visits, and we talked love affairs over
muffins and a cup of excellent congou. Then what a variety of jams and
jellies! I never returned without a disordered stomach, and wishing
Highland heather-honey at the devil. Yet, after all, to prove a
hoax!--for even when I was on the point of popping the question, and had
fastened my silk Jem Belcher with a knowing _leetle_ knot to set
out for that purpose, I learned from Francie, the stable-boy, that she
had the evening before eloped with the coachman, and returned to her
post that forenoon metamorphosed into Madam Trot.

"I first thought, sir, of hanging myself over the first lamp-post; but,
after a _leetle_ consideration, I determined to confound Madam
Trot, and all other fickle fair ones, by that very night marrying Miss
Diana. I hastened on, rushed precipitately into the shop, and on the
subject--and hear, oh heaven, and believe, oh earth! was met, not by a
plump denial, but was shown the door."

"Upon my word, Mr. Tims," said I, "you have been a most unfortunate man.
I wonder you recovered after such mighty reverses; but I hope----"

"Hope! that is the word, sir, the very word, I still had hope; so, after
ten days' horrible melancholy, in which I cropped not a few heads in a
novel and unprecedented style, I at it again, and laid