should have to own it! --
black and slippery as a patent leather boot. I loved to desperation,
I adored her to despair. She transported me -- in every sense;
she inspired me. Never have I cooked as I cooked (for I had
been promoted at the hotel) when Annette, my adored Annette,
smiled on me. Never' -- and here his manly voice broke into
a sob -- 'never shall I cook so well again.' Here he melted
into tears.

'Come, cheer up!' said Sir Henry in French, smacking him smartly
on the back. 'There's no knowing what may happen, you know.
To judge from your dinner today, I should say you were in a
fair way to recovery.'

Alphonse stopped weeping, and began to rub his back. 'Monsieur,'
he said, 'doubtless means to console, but his hand is heavy.
To continue: we loved, and were happy in each other's love.
The birds in their little nest could not be happier than Alphonse
and his Annette. Then came the blow -- sapristi! -- when I think
of it. Messieurs will forgive me if I wipe away a tear.
Mine was an evil number; I was drawn for the conscription. Fortune
would be avenged on me for having won the heart of Annette.

'The evil moment came; I had to go. I tried to run away, but
I was caught by brutal soldiers, and they banged me with the
butt-end of muskets till my mustachios curled with pain. I had
a cousin a linen-draper, well-to-do, but very ugly. He had drawn
a good number, and sympathized when they thumped me. "To thee,
my cousin," I said, "to thee, in whose veins flows the blue blood
of our heroic grandparent, to thee I consign Annette. Watch
over her whilst I hunt for glory in the bloody field."

'"Make your mind easy," said he; "I will." As the sequel shows,
he did!

'I went. I lived in barracks on black soup. I am a refined
man and a poet by nature, and I suffered tortures from the coarse
horror of my surroundings. There was a drill sergeant, and he
had a cane. Ah, that cane, how it curled! Alas, never can I
forget it!

'One morning came the news; my battalion was ordered to Tonquin.
The drill sergeant and the other coarse monsters rejoiced.
I -- I made enquiries about Tonquin. They were not satisfactory.
In Tonquin are savage Chinese who rip you open. My artistic
tastes -- for I am also an artist -- recoiled from the idea of
being ripped open. The great man makes up his mind quickly.
I made up my mind. I determined not to be ripped open. I deserted.

'I reached Marseilles disguised as a