a Writer _buries it in a most magnificent manner_, in a Church some
Miles distant from _London_; and his Antagonist performs the _Funeral_
at another Church fifty Miles farther than that, and in a more _decent
way_. Next a Paper gives us the Names of those that supported the
_Pall_, together with who was the _chief Mourner_. This is so
provoking to him who could not lay hold on this _Intelligence in
time_, that he is resolv'd to be even with his Rival; so that the next
News we hear, are the Heads of the _Sermon_ that was preach'd at the
_Funeral_.

The Friends and Acquaintance of the _Deceas'd_, that may be remote
from the Town, and have nothing else to govern them but these
_Advices_, believe the main of them; and notwithstanding their
Perplexities and Variation, all credit the _Death_ of their old
_Friend_, and begin to descant on the Actions of his _Life_, some
conjecturing what he must have _died worth_, and what a Man he might
have been, was it not for such a Failing; and others, how long they
had remembred and been acquainted with him, _&c._

When the Story has gone this length, and begins to be old, and almost
obliterated, the News-Paper that was most forward in publishing it, to
the astonishment of all Mankind, cries out _peccavi_, and confesses
how he was _imposed on_; acknowledges _his Sorrow and Contrition_, and
_heartily begs Pardon of the Publick_, _and the Person_, whom he now
maintains to be _alive, and in good health_; and says, that _the
Report of his Death, as publish'd in his, and_ OTHER PAPERS, is
entirely _false, groundless, and without any manner of Foundation_.

There have been Instances of Women who have been frighten'd into
_Miscarriages_, and some even to _Death_, at the unexpected Visits of
their Friends, (whom, upon the _Credit_ of the Papers) they have
verily believed to have been as really dead as their great
Grandmothers were. A Lady of Quality, that is become superannuated, is
not to confine herself to Books of Devotion alone; People are not born
for themselves only; no, no, as ancient as she is, she must yet do
some Service to the Society. Says an Author, what, Shall _her Grace_
fancy herself as hail at Fourscore as she was at Forty? Accordingly,
he lends her his Hand, and she is led _very dangerously ill_ into his
Paper. The next Morning he is obliged to retract it, and so the
Publick are Gainers _two_ Paragraphs by it.

Nor shall a Lord _Spiritual_ or _Temporal_, that has attain'd