He pretended
that the money wasted in riotous living had been stolen by violence,
and, to carry out the deception he studied the part of an actor. Forcing
the locks of his trunk and guitar-case, he ran into the director's room
half dressed and feigning fright, declaring that he was the victim of a
robbery, and excited such pity that friends made up a purse to cover his
supposed losses. Suspicion was, however, awakened that he had been
playing a false part, and he never regained the master's confidence; and
though he had even then no sense of sin, shame at being detected in such
meanness and hypocrisy made him shrink from ever again facing the
director's wife, who, in his long sickness, had nursed him like a
mother.

Such was the man who was not only admitted to honourable standing as a
university student, but accepted as a candidate for holy orders, with
permission to preach in the Lutheran establishment. This student of
divinity knew nothing of God or salvation, and was ignorant even of the
gospel plan of saving grace. He felt the need for a better life, but no
godly motives swayed him. Reformation was a matter purely of expediency:
to continue in profligacy would bring final exposure, and no parish
would have him as a pastor. To get a valuable "cure" and a good "living"
he must make attainments in divinity, pass a good examination, and have
at least a decent reputation. Worldly policy urged him to apply himself
on the one hand to his studies and on the other to self-reform.

Again he met defeat, for he had never yet found the one source and
secret of all strength. Scarce had he entered Halle before his resolves
proved frail as a spider's web, unable to restrain him from vicious
indulgences. He refrained indeed from street brawls and duelling,
because they would curtail his liberty, but he knew as yet no moral
restraints. His money was soon spent, and he borrowed till he could find
no one to lend, and then pawned his watch and clothes.

He could not but be wretched, for it was plain to what a goal of poverty
and misery, dishonour and disgrace, such paths lead. Policy loudly urged
him to abandon his evil-doing, but piety had as yet no voice in his
life. He went so far, however, as to choose for a friend a young man and
former schoolmate, named Beta, whose quiet seriousness might, as he
hoped, steady his own course. But he was leaning on a broken reed, for
Beta was himself a backslider. Again he was taken ill. God mad