ud with superfluous
pelf, who wealth in abundance possess,
When indigent Worth (I allude to myself)
would go for substantially less?

For Europe, I know, to oblivion may doom
the fruits of my talented brain,
But they're perfectly sure of creating a boom
in the wilds of Kentucky and Maine:
They'll appreciate _there_ my illustrious work
on the way to make Pindar to scan,
And Culture will hum in the State of New York
when I read it my essay on 'An! [1]

I've a scheme, which is this:--I will start
for the West as a Limited Lecturing Co.,
And the public invite in the same to invest
to the tune of a million or so:
They will all be recouped for initial expense
by receiving their share of the "gates,"
Which I venture to think will be truly
immense when I lecture on Prose in the States.

Thus Merit will not be permitted to rot--as
it does--on Obscurity's shelf:
Thus the national hoard shall with profit be
stored (with a trifle of course for myself):
For lectures are dear in that fortunate
sphere, and are paid for at fabulous rates,--
All the gold of Klondike isn't anything like
to the sums that are made in the States!

[1. Transcriber's note: In the original book, the two characters
preceding the exclamation mark are the Greek "Alpha" and "nu". They
appear to be preceded by the Greek rough-breathing diacritical, making
the three characters together rhyme with "Maine", two lines earlier.]

A DIALOGUE ON ETHICS

Said the Isis to the Cherwell in a tone of indignation,
"With a blush of conscious virtue your enormities I see:
And I wish that a reversal of the laws of gravitation
Would prevent your vicious current from contaminating me!
With your hedonists who grovel on a cushion with a novel
(Which is sure to sap the morals and the intellect to stunt),
And the spectacle nefarious of your idle, gay Lotharios
Who pursue a mild flirtation in a misdirected punt!"

Said the Cherwell to the Isis, "You may talk about my vices--
But of all the sights of sorrow since the universe began,
Just commend me to the patience that can bear the degradations
Which inflicted are by Rowing on the dignity of man:
The unspeakable reproaches which are lavished by your coaches--
On my sense of what is proper they continually jar"--
("It is simply _Mos Majorum_--'twas their fathers'