ugh this channel that the train was
laid to blow up Jones while said Jones was in the piazza engaged in
a deeply interesting game of chess. Martin was to be in the piazza
watching the game, when Blair was to enter reading a letter. Then
something like the following colloquy took place:

"Well, Mack, what is the news from home?"

"Nothing very interesting," replies Blair. Then, as a sudden
recollection strikes him, "Oh, yes, there is to be a big wedding at
Old Dr. Blanks."

"You don't say so?" (The game of chess stands still.) "And who is to
be married, pray?" innocently enquires Martin.

"Why it will surprise you as much as it did me, I suppose, and I would
not believe it, only Cousin Sallie says she is to be bride's maid."
(Jones ceases to play and listens intently.) "It is nobody else than
Mr. ---- and Miss 'Blank.'"

Now, this Miss "Blank" is Jones' intended. Jones is paralyzed. His
face turns livid, then pale, now green! He is motionless, his eyes
staring vacantly on the chessboard. Then with a mighty exertion Jones
kicked the board aside and sprang to his feet. Shaking his trembling
finger in the face of Blair, his whole frame convulsed with emotion,
his very soul on fire, he hissed between his teeth: "That's an
infernal lie, I don't care whose Cousin Sallie wrote it."

Jones was nearly crazed for the balance of the day. He whistled and
sang strange melodies while walking aimlessly about. He read and
re-read the many love missives received long ago. Some he tore into
fragments; others he carefully replaced in his knapsack.

But those evil geniuses were still at work for further torture, or at
least to gloat over Jones' misery. It was arranged to formally bury
him, allegorically. At night, while Jones was asleep, or trying to
sleep on the piazza, a procession was formed, headed by Major Maffett,
who was to act as the priest, and I must say he acted the part like a
cardinal. We had a little rehearsal of the part each was to play, and
those who "couldn't hold in" from laughing were ruled out, for it was
expected that Jones would cut some frightful antics as the ceremony
proceeded. I was not allowed to accompany the procession, as it was
decided I could not "hold in," and under no condition was there to be
a laugh or even a smile; but I took up position behind the balusters
and watched events as the shadows were cast before. Major Maffett was
dressed in a long dark overcoat, to represent the priestly gown, with