was being ill-treated by a boy, and he was one of my
best comrades. He pulled her about and buffeted her lustily, and I bore
it, though not without great difficulty and with ever increasing, silent
exasperation. At last, however, he drove her into a corner, and when he
let her out again, her mouth was bleeding, probably because he had
scratched her somewhere. Then I could control myself no longer, the
sight of the blood drove me mad, I fell upon him, threw him to the
ground and gave him back his thumps and slaps double and threefold. But
Emilia, far from being grateful to me, herself called for aid and
assistance for her enemy when I showed no signs of desisting, and thus
betrayed involuntarily that she liked him better than the avenger.
Susanna, awakened from her slumbers by the noise, hurried to the scene
and, naturally being cross and angry, demanded strict account of my
sudden outburst of rage. What I stammered and stuttered forth in excuse
was incomprehensible and foolish, and thus I received a rude
chastisement as a reward for my first gallant service. My affection for
Emilia lasted until my eighteenth year and passed through very many
phases; I must therefore often refer to it again.

VII

Even in my earliest years my imagination was very vivid. When I was put
to bed in the evening the rafters above me began to crawl, from every
nook and corner of the room distorted visages made grimaces, and the
most familiar objects, such as the cane on which I myself used to ride,
the foot of the table, yes, even the coverlet on my bed with its flowers
and figures, grew strange and filled me with terror. I believe it is
well to distinguish here between the vague general fear, which is
natural to all children without exception, and a greater one which
embodies its terrifying images in clear-cut distinct forms and really
makes them objective to the young soul. The former fear was shared by my
brother, who lay beside me, but his eyes always closed very soon and
then he slept quietly until bright daylight; the latter tormented me
alone, and not only did it keep sleep far from me, but when sleep
finally came, often frightened it away again and made me call for help
in the middle of the night. How deeply the phantasms of this same fear
impressed themselves upon me can be gathered from the fact that they
return in full force in every serious illness. As soon as the feverishly
seething blood rushes over my brain and drowns my conscio