in her. I
was presented with a gold paper saint, then my place was shown me and I
was incorporated into the humming, buzzing child-beehive, which, glad of
the interruption, had watched the scene inquisitively.

It was some time before I dared to look up, for I felt that I was being
inspected and this embarrassed me. At last I did so, and my first glance
fell upon a pale, slender girl who sat directly opposite to me; she was
called Emilia and was the daughter of the parish clerk. A thrill of
emotion passed through me, the blood rushed to my heart, but a feeling
of shame also mingled at once with my first sensation, and I dropped my
eyes to the ground again as quickly as though they had committed a
crime.

From this hour I could not banish Emilia from my mind. School, formerly
so much feared, now became my favorite abiding place, because there only
could I see her; Sundays and holidays, which separated me from her, were
as hateful to me as they would otherwise have been welcome; I was
genuinely unhappy if she happened to stay away. She hovered before me
wherever I went and I never grew tired of repeating her name softly to
myself when I was alone; her black eyebrows and her very rosy lips, in
particular, were always present before me; on the other hand, I do not
remember that her voice made any impression upon me, although later
everything, for me, depended upon that.

It can easily be understood that I soon gained out of all this the
reputation of being the most constant attendant at school and the best
pupil. I felt rather strangely about it though, for I knew very well
that it was not the primer which attracted me to Susanna's, and that it
was not in order to learn to read quickly that I spelled away so
busily. However, no one must ever be allowed to divine what was going on
with me, and least of all Emilia. I avoided her most anxiously, so as,
by any and all means, to keep from betraying myself. When the games in
common nevertheless brought us together, I was hostile toward her rather
than in the least friendly. I pulled her back hair in order to touch her
at least for once, and hurt her in doing it, so as not to arouse
suspicion. Once, however, nature forcibly asserted itself, because put
to too severe a test. One afternoon in the romping hour which always
preceded lessons--for the children assembled slowly and Susanna liked to
take a midday nap--a distressing sight greeted me as I entered the
school-room; Emilia