by the Christians, the Pisans rushed
into the breach, but the greater part of their army being at dinner,
they were bloodily repulsed.

SOLDIER.--You appear to have a minute acquaintance with military
history.

F.--Yes--being a fool. But was it not a sin and a shame that those
feeders should not stir from their porridge to succour their suffering
comrades?

S.--Pray why should a man neglect his business to oblige a friend?

F.--But they might have taken and sacked the city.

S.--The selfish gluttons!

* * * * *

SOLDIER.--Your presumption grows intolerable; I'll hold no further
parley with thee.

FOOL.--"Herculean gentleman, I dread thy drubs; pity the lifted whites
of both my eyes!"

S.--Then speak no more of the things you do but imperfectly
understand.

F.--Such censorship would doom all tongues to silence. But show me
wherein my knowledge is deficient.

S.--What is an _abattis_?

F.--Rubbish placed in front of a fort, to keep the rubbish outside
from getting at the rubbish inside.

S.--Egad! I'll part thy hair!

DIVERS TALES.

THE GRATEFUL BEAR.

I hope all my little readers have heard the story of Mr. Androcles and
the lion; so I will relate it as nearly as I can remember it, with the
caution that Androcles must not be confounded with the lion. If I had
a picture representing Androcles with a silk hat, and the lion with a
knot in his tail, the two might readily be distinguished; but the
artist says he won't make any such picture, and we must try to get on
without.

One day Androcles was gathering truffles in a forest, when he found a
lion's den; and, walking into it, he lay down and slept. It was a
custom, in his time, to sleep in lions' dens when practicable. The
lion was absent, inspecting a zoological garden, and did not return
until late; but he did return. He was surprised to find a stranger in
his menagerie without a ticket; but, supposing him to be some
contributor to a comic paper, did not eat him: he was very well
satisfied not to be eaten by him. Presently Androcles awoke, wishing
he had some seltzer water, or something. (Seltzer water is good after
a night's debauch, and something--it is difficult to say what--is good
to begin the new debauch with). Seeing the lion eyeing him, he began
hastily to pencil his last will and testament upon the rocky floor of
the den. What was his surprise to see the lion advance amicably and
extend his ri