e this contest
of wits and let us have your news."

"Certainly, Sir," acquiesced the Doctor. "It's Pay's new assistant.
He's ..." the Doctor paused in search of adequate expression, "he's
here. He is, I fancy, at this moment slapping the skipper on the back
and asking him to have a drink. He called me 'old socks.'" The doctor
shuddered. "Then he said he expected this was some mess; Naval messes
were always hot stuff. He wanted to spin me yarns of his infant
excesses, but I choked him off by telling him he ought to report to
the skipper. You'll have to look after him, Pay. That will give you
some honest work for a change."

It must be confessed that at lunch the newcomer justified the Doctor's
worst forebodings. Afterwards the First Lieutenant and the Paymaster
had an earnest colloquy. Then the latter sought his new assistant;
he found him gloomily turning over the pages of a six-months-old
illustrated paper.

"What do you think of the ship?" he asked cheerfully.

"Rotten slow lot," replied the A.P.; "I tried to make things hum a bit
at lunch and they all sat looking like stuffed owls."

"Ah, you'll find it different this evening after the Commander has
gone. Bad form to tell smoking-room yarns while he's here."

Meanwhile the First Lieutenant visited the Commander in his cabin.

"Very well," said the latter on parting; "only mind, no unnecessary
violence."

"I understand, Sir. I hope it won't be necessary."

The Assistant Paymaster had no cause to complain of lack of hilarity
at dinner. The most trivial remark was greeted with roars of
merriment. When the KING'S health had been drunk the Commander pleaded
letters and left the ward-room. Instantly a perfect babel arose.
Everyone seemed to be asking everyone else to have a drink. The
newcomer selected a large whisky.

"Wilkes," said the First Lieutenant, "one large whisky, one dozen
soda, one dozen ginger-beer and two large bottles of lime-juice."

"Large bottles, you blighter!" he yelled after the back of the
astonished marine who went out to fulfil this remarkable order.

"Now," said the Junior Watchkeeper, when all the glasses had been
filled, "I call on Number One for a song." Amid vociferous applause
the First Lieutenant, clasping a huge tumbler of ginger-beer, rose
unsteadily. Without the semblance of a note anywhere he proceeded to
bawl "A frog he would a-wooing go." A _prima donna_ at the zenith of
her fame might have envied his reception. The Junio