at perhaps Lygia was not in the amphitheatre, that his
fears were groundless. At times he seized on this hope with all his
strength. He said in his soul that Christ might take her to Himself out
of the prison, but could not permit her torture in the Circus. Formerly
he was resigned to the divine will in everything; now, when repulsed
from the doors of the cunicula, he returned to his place in the
amphitheatre, and when he learned, from the curious glances turned on
him, that the most dreadful suppositions might be true, he began to
implore in his soul with passionateness almost approaching a threat.
"Thou canst!" repeated he, clenching his fists convulsively, "Thou
canst!" Hitherto he had not supposed that that moment when present would
be so terrible. Now, without clear consciousness of what was happening
in his mind, he had the feeling that if he should see Lygia tortured,
his love for God would be turned to hatred, and his faith to despair.
But he was amazed at the feeling, for he feared to offend Christ, whom
he was imploring for mercy and miracles. He implored no longer for her
life; he wished merely that she should die before they brought her to
the arena, and from the abyss of his pain he repeated in spirt: "Do not
refuse even this, and I will love Thee still more than hitherto." And
then his thoughts raged as a sea torn by a whirlwind. A desire for blood
and vengeance was roused in him. He was seized by a mad wish to rush at
Nero and stifle him there in presence of all the spectators; but he
felt that desire to be a new offence against Christ, and a breach of
His command. To his head flew at times flashes of hope that everything
before which his soul was trembling would be turned aside by an almighty
and merciful hand; but they were quenched at once, as if in measureless
sorrow that He who could destroy that Circus with one word and save
Lygia had abandoned her, though she trusted in Him and loved Him with
all the strength of her pure heart. And he thought, moreover, that
she was lying there in that dark place, weak, defenceless, deserted,
abandoned to the whim or disfavor of brutal guards, drawing her last
breath, perhaps, while he had to wait, helpless, in that dreadful
amphitheatre, without knowing what torture was prepared for her, or what
he would witness in a moment. Finally, as a man falling over a precipice
grasps at everything which grows on the edge of it, so did he grasp with
both hands at the thought t