ister of the
gospel that I shall have to say I have felt when the Bishop ordains
me. I try to get this feeling, I pray for it earnestly, and sometimes
half think that I have got it, but in a little time it wears off, and
though I have no absolute repugnance to being a clergyman and trust
that if I am one I shall endeavour to live to the Glory of God and to
advance His interests upon earth, yet I feel that something more than
this is wanted before I am fully justified in going into the Church. I
am aware that I have been a great expense to you in spite of my
scholarships, but you have ever taught me that I should obey my
conscience, and my conscience tells me I should do wrong if I became a
clergyman. God may yet give me the spirit for which I assure you I
have been and am continually praying, but He may not, and in that case
would it not be better for me to try and look out for something else?
I know that neither you nor John wish me to go into your business, nor
do I understand anything about money matters, but is there nothing
else that I can do? I do not like to ask you to maintain me while I
go in for medicine or the bar; but when I get my fellowship, which
should not be long first, I will endeavour to cost you nothing
further, and I might make a little money by writing or taking pupils.
I trust you will not think this letter improper; nothing is further
from my wish than to cause you any uneasiness. I hope you will make
allowance for my present feelings which, indeed, spring from nothing
but from that respect for my conscience which no one has so often
instilled into me as yourself. Pray let me have a few lines shortly.
I hope your cold is better. With love to Eliza and Maria, I am, your
affectionate son,

"THEOBALD PONTIFEX."

"Dear Theobald,--I can enter into your feelings and have no wish to
quarrel with your expression of them. It is quite right and natural
that you should feel as you do except as regards one passage, the
impropriety of which you will yourself doubtless feel upon reflection,
and to which I will not further allude than to say that it has wounded
me. You should not have said 'in spite of my scholarships.' It was
only proper that if you could do anything to assist me in bearing the
heavy burden of your education, the money should be, as it was, made
over to myself. Every line in