y.

* * * * *

A TRIUMPH OF THINNESS.

HERBERT is one of those troublesome men who are always asking why I
don't what he calls "buckle to" and make some money. But his latest
suggestion was his maddest, and I think that I got out of it rather
neatly. For Herbert is a determined fellow from whom you can't escape
until you have promised quite a lot and sometimes even had actually to
do something.

"Do you want two hundred pounds?" he bounced in upon me and said.

"Who doesn't?" I replied.

"Well, here you are then. It's as easy as falling off a ladder. Only a
little industry required;" and he threw a paper on to my table.

I spread it out and saw: "One Thousand Cash Prizes amounting to L1,000.
First Prize L200. All you have to do is to make as many words as you can
out of 'JENKINS' GLORIOUS GUM.'"

"Thanks," I said; "this isn't intended for really thoughtful people."

At this, however, he merely sniffed and pulled a fountain-pen from his
pocket.

"I'll make a start," he said; "'gin' one; 'niggle'--that's rather
good--two; 'mug' three." But after that his mind seemed to wander, and
he added rather feebly, "and so on. It's ridiculously easy when you have
a dictionary. Will you try?"

"No," I replied, and a fierce argument followed.

But just as he was getting really angry my eye fell upon a condition
that I had overlooked. "Ten pounds," I saw, "will be awarded to the
competitor whose envelope is opened first."

"I'll go in," I said, and Herbert replied, "Good egg, I'll bet you win.
Don't forget 'mug.'"

"No, I won't forget 'mug'," I assured him as he left, for his last word
had given me an idea.

Solemnly I sat down in front of "JENKINS' GLORIOUS GUM" and saw at once
that my word would do. In two minutes "Juggins" had been put into a very
large envelope all by himself, and I was out of work again.

But the part that you won't believe has to come.

I won the L10--I did really. Among the multitude of fat envelopes
bulging with words, my thin "Juggins" simply insisted upon being opened
first. The thousands of chartered accountants assembled for the counting
almost fought for him, he was nearly torn in two in their desire to
begin with what looked like an easy one--or so I like to imagine the
scene. But Herbert is insufferably proud of himself.

* * * * *

THE SPECTRUM.

According to the Ladies' Press,
Who would be really smart must