barber thet ever honed a razor?

_Mary._ I always told you you could, Jack, if you'd only try.

_Jack._ Feel my face now--ain't it as smooth as any baby's?

_Mary._ (_Feeling his face._) Yes, Jack, as smooth as any _old_
baby's.

_Jack._ Oh! say, look here now, thet ain't fair; a feller don't
know nothin' till he's forty, does he, mother? Old baby's!
(_sitting on the arm of Mary's chair_) I ain't too old to love
you, Mary, that's one thing. I've loved you ever since you was
knee-high to a grasshopper. I rocked you in y'r cradle--I'm
blessed if I didn't make the cradle you was rocked in, didn't I,
mother?

_Mother._ Yes, Jack, an' d'ye remember what yeh made it out of?

_Jack._ A herrin' box. (_General laugh._)

_Mary._ (_Tenderly._) I married the man I love, Jack.

_Jack._ Honest?

_Mary._ Honest.

_Jack._ (_Kissing her._) Then what'n thunder you want to talk
about a feller's gettin' old for? Where's my clean shirt? Say,
mother, don't you t' hang up them stockin's.

_Mary._ Oh! Jack, what nonsense.

_Jack._ No nonsense at all about it. Christmas is Christmas. It
only comes once a year an' I'm goin' to have th' stockin's hung
up. So for fear you'd forgit 'em I'll hang 'em up myself.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

_Mary._ Please, Jack, give me those stockings.

_Jack._ Now it ain't no use, little woman. Them stockin's is
a-goin' up. Mother, you give me three pins.

_Mary._ Don't you give him _any_ pins, mother. Suppose the
neighbors should come in and see those stockings hangin' up.

_Jack._ Let 'em come in, I don't care a continental cuss. Why,
Mary, everybody wears stockin's nowadays, everybody that can
afford to. I _want_ the neighbors to see 'em, then they'll know
we've got stockin's. (_Holding up the three stockings._) Got one
apiece anyhow.

_Mother._ Oh, Jack, Jack! you'll never be anything but a great
overgrown boy, if you live to be a hundred (_goes off_).

_Mary._ (_Tenderly._) Jack!

_Jack._ Hey?

_Mary._ (_Putting her arms about his neck._) Did you never think
that perhaps next Christmas there might be another stocking, just
a tiny one, to hang in the chimney corner?

_Jack._ Why, Mary, there's tears in your eyes. (_Goes to wipe her