and picturesque to do the
Castle Walk.

When your opponent has not followed suit it is not wise to pick out
a loud tone of voice and tell him about it. Reach under the table
and kick him on the shins. If it hurts him he is a cheater; if it
doesn't hurt him always remember that you are a lady.

When you are dummy the new rules permit you to call a revoke. When
you see your partner messing up a sure "going-outer" you may also
call the police; then get out your calling cards and call your
partner down, being, of course, particular and ladylike in your
selection of adjectives.

Don't forget what is trumps more than eighteen times during one
hand. The limit used to be twenty-six times, but since the outbreak
of the Mexican war the best auction bridge authorities have put the
limit down to eighteen.

It isn't wise to have a conniption fit every time you lose a trick.
Nothing looks so bad as a conniption fit when it doesn't match the
complexion, and generally it delays the game.

When your partner has doubled a no-trump call and you forget to
lead his suit the best plan is to hurry out the front door, take a
street car to the end of the line; then double back in a taxi to
the nearest railway station; get the first train going West and go
the limit--then take a steamer, sail for Japan and don't come back
for seven years. Your partner may forget about it in that time. If
he doesn't, then you must continue to live in Japan. All
authorities agree on this point.

When the game is close, don't get excited and climb up on the
table. It shows a want of refinement, especially if you are not a
quick climber.

While running a grand slam to cover, the best authorities,
including Bob Carter, claim that you should breathe hoarsely
through the front teeth, pausing from time to time to recite brief
passages from Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Never whistle while waiting for someone to play. Whistling is not
in good taste. Go over and bite out a couple of tunes on the piano.

When your opponent trumps an ace don't ever hit him carelessly
across the forehead with the bric-a-brac. Always remember when you
are in Society that bric-a-brac is expensive.

If your partner bids five spades and you get the impression that he
is balmy in the bean don't show