it. I dragged them, however, so together
as to enable me to sit down on the bare mattress. This, of all my nights
of suffering, stands foremost. When they opened my dungeon next day they
found me in a truly pitiable situation, wondered at my appetite, brought
me another loaf; I refused to accept it, believing I nevermore should
have occasion for bread; they, however, left me one, gave me water,
shrugged up their shoulders, wished me farewell, as, according to all
appearance, they never expected to find me alive, and shut all the doors,
without asking whether I wished or needed further assistance.

Three days had passed before I could again eat a morsel of bread; and my
mind, brave in health, now in a sick body became pusillanimous, so that I
determined on death. The irons, everywhere round my body, and their
weight, were insupportable; nor could I imagine it was possible I should
habituate myself to them, or endure them long enough to expect
deliverance. Peace was a very distant prospect. The King had commanded
that such a prison should be built as should exclude all necessity of a
sentinel, in order that I might not converse with and seduce them from
what is called their duty: and, in the first days of despair, deliverance
appeared impossible; and the fetters, the war, the pain I felt, the
place, the length of time, each circumstance seemed equally impossible to
support. A thousand reasons convinced me it was necessary to end my
sufferings. I shall not enter into theological disputes: let those who
blame me imagine themselves in my situation; or rather let them first
actually endure my miseries, and then let them reason. I had often
braved death in prosperity, and at this moment it seemed a blessing.

Full of these meditations, every minute's patience appeared absurdity,
and resolution meanness of soul; yet I wished my mind should be satisfied
that reason, and not rashness, had induced the act. I therefore
determined, that I might examine the question coolly, to wait a week
longer, and die on the fourth of July. In the meantime I revolved in my
mind what possible means there were of escape, not fearing, naked and
chained, to rush and expire on the bayonets of my enemies.

The next day I observed, as the four doors were opened, that they were
only of wood, therefore questioned whether I might not even cut off the
locks with the knife that I had so fortunately concealed: and should this
and every other means