bmit to dreadful bad quarters; and even the extreme delicacy of my
constitution, which had so often succeeded with me before, could not, on
this occasion, induce our host to give us anything but greasy puddings
and fat stews, made of the offal of his house for the last month. The
fat on the top of this heterogeneous mixture was an inch thick; and I,
for my own part, protested that I could not and would not eat it.
Finding me so positive, he privately slipped a shilling into my hand to
quiet me, which I did not think it expedient to refuse. This bribe
tended, in some degree, to pacify me; but my comrades, on quitting the
house, evinced their disapprobation of the treatment they had met with,
by writing with a lighted candle on the ceiling, "D----d bad
quarters--How are you off for pea-soup?--Lead dumplings--Lousy
beds--Dirty sheets."

This was the mildest description of punishment with which we visited
landlords who incurred our displeasure; for, in addition to this, it did
not require any very aggravated treatment to induce us to teach some of
mine host's ducks and geese to march part of the way on the road with
us; to wit, until we could get them dressed.

These birds would sometimes find their way into drums. I was once myself
a party concerned in a pilfering of this kind--at least, indirectly so;
for I was accessory to the act of stealing a fine goose--a witness of
its death, or rather, what we supposed its death--and an assistant in
_drumming_ it. Moreover, I do not doubt that I should have willingly
lent a hand towards eating it also. The goose, however, was, in our
opinion at least, very snugly secured, and we commenced our march
without the least fear of detection, chuckling in our sleeves how
completely we had eluded the landlord's vigilance. The bird only wanted
dressing to complete the joke, and discussion was running high among us
as to how that could be accomplished, when, to our astonishment, who
should pass us on horseback but the landlord himself! He rode very
coolly by, and, as he took no sort of notice of us, we concluded that he
might very probably have other business on the road, and for a time we
thought nothing more of the matter; but what were our feelings when, on
halting in the market-place, we perceived this very landlord in earnest
conversation with our colonel; and, to all appearance, "laying down the
law," as it is called, in a most strenuous manner. At last, the colonel
and he moved towards