! But, let it be
said in mitigation of his offence, he had never received the benefit of
any scientific teaching--he had not been "under the tuition of the
celebrated Signor Wheeziana," nor had he profited by "the invaluable
instructions of the unrivalled Bellowsblauer"--and it is very doubtful
whether he would have gained much advantage from them, had he met the
opportunity.

He knew that, in order to make a noise on the flute, or, indeed,
anywhere else, it was necessary to _blow_, and blow he did, like Boreas!
He always carried the instrument in his pocket, and on being asked to
play--a piece of politeness for which he always looked--he drew it out
with the solemnity of visage with which a tender-hearted sheriff
produces a death-warrant, and while he screwed the joints together,
sighed blasts like a furnace. He usually deposited himself upon the
door-sill--a favorite seat for him--and collecting the younger members
of the family about him, thence poured forth his strains of concentrated
mournfulness.

He invariably selected the most melancholy tunes, playing, with a more
profound solemnity, the gloomiest psalms and lamentations. When he
ventured upon secular music, he never performed anything more lively
than "The Mistletoe Bough," or "Barbara Allen," and into each he threw a
spirit so much more dismal than the original, as almost to induce his
hearers to imitate the example of the disconsolate "Barbara," and "turn
their faces to the wall" in despair of being ever again able to muster a
smile!

He was not a scientific musician, then--fortunately for his
usefulness--because thorough musicians are generally "good-for-nothing"
else. But music was not a science among the pioneers, though the
undertone of melancholy feeling, to which all sweet sounds appeal, was
as easily reached in them as in any other people. Their wants in this,
as in other things, were very easily satisfied--they were susceptible of
pleasure from anything which was in the least commendable: and not
feeling obliged, by any captious canon, to condemn nine true notes,
because of the tenth false one, they allowed themselves to enjoy the
best music they could get, without thinking of the damage done their
musical and critical reputation.

But his flute was not the only means of pleasing within the
schoolmaster's reach: for he could flatter as well as if the souls of
ten courtiers had transmigrated into his single body. He might not do it
quite so grac