nt of my dear and only son Benjie in an honourable way of
doing; as who dares to deny that the barber and haircutting line is a
safe and honourable employment?--I do not know when I might get to the
end of my tether; and the interest which every reasonable man must take
in the extraordinary adventures of my early years, might be grievously
marred and broken in upon through the garrulity of old age.

Perhaps I am going a little too far when I say, that the whole world
cannot fail to be interested in the occurrences of my life; for since its
creation, which was not yesterday, I do not believe--and James Batter is
exactly of the same mind--that there ever was a subject concerning which
the bulk of mankind have not had two opinions. Knowing this to be the
case, I would be a great gomeril to expect that I should be the only
white swan that ever appeared; and that all parties in church and state,
who are for cutting each other's throats on every other great question,
should be unanimous only in what regards me. Englishmen, for instance,
will say that I am a bad speller, and that my language is kittle; and
such of the Irishers as can read, will be threaping that I have abused
their precious country; but, my certie, instead of blaming me for letting
out what I could not deny, they must just learn to behave themselves
better when they come to see us, or bide at home.

Being by nature a Scotsman--being, I say, of the blood of Robert Bruce
and Sir William Wallace--and having in my day and generation buckled on
my sword to keep the battle from our gates in the hour of danger, ill
would it become me to speak but the plain truth, the whole truth, and any
thing but the truth. No; although bred to a peaceable occupation, I am
the subject of a free king and constitution, and, if I have written as I
speak, I have just spoken as I thought. The man of learning, that kens
no language saving Greek, and Gaelic, and Hebrew, will doubtless laugh at
the curiosity of my dialect; but I would just recommend him, as he is a
philosopher, to consider for a wee, that there are other things, in
mortal life and in human nature, worth a moment's consideration besides
old Pagan heathens--pot-hooks and hangers--the asses' bridge and the
weary walls of Troy; which last city, for all that has been said and sung
about it, would be found, I would stake my life upon it, could it be seen
at this moment, not worth half a thought when compared with the New Town