lates and porter; and the manners he cannot help
learning, if he is in the smallest gleg in the uptake, so that, when out
of livery, it is the toss up of a halfpenny whether ye find out the
difference between the man and the master. He learns, in fact, every
thing. He learns French--he learns dancing in all its branches--he
learns how to give boots the finishing polish--he learns how to play at
cards, as if he had been born and bred an Earl--he learns, from pouring
the bottles, the names of every wine brewed abroad--he learns how to
brush a coat, so that, after six months' tear and wear, one without
spectacles would imagine it had only gotten the finishing stitch on the
Saturday night before; and he learns to play on the flute, and the
spinnet, and the piano, and the fiddle, and the bagpipes; and to sing all
manner of songs, and to skirl, full gallop, with such a pith and birr,
that though he was to lose his precious eyesight with the small-pox, or a
flash of forked lightning, or fall down a three-story stair dead drunk,
smash his legs to such a degree that both of them required to be cut off,
above the knees, half an hour after, so far all right and well--for he
could just tear off his shoulder-knot, and make a perfect fortune--in the
one case, in being led from door to door by a ragged laddie, with a
string at the button-hole, playing 'Ower the Border,' 'The Hen's March,'
'Donald M'Donald,' 'Jenny Nettles,' and such like grand tunes, on the
clarinet; or in the other case, being drawn from town to town, and from
door to door, on a hurdle, like a lord, harnessed to four dogs of all
colours, at the rate of two miles in the hour, exclusive of
stoppages--What say ye, gudewife?"

Nanse gave a mournful look, as if she was frighted I had grown demented,
and only said, "Tak' your ain way, gudeman; ye'se get your ain way for
me, I fancy."

Seeing her in this Christian state of resignation, I determined at once
to hit the nail on the head, and put an end to the whole business as I
intended. "Now, Nanse," quo' I, "to come to close quarters with ye, tell
me candidly and seriously what ye think of a barber? Every one must
allow it's a canny and cozy trade."

"A barber that shaves beards!" said Nanse. "'Od, Mansie, ye're surely
gaun gyte. Ye're surely joking me all the time?"

"Joking!" answered I, smoothing down my chin, which was gey an'
rough--"Joking here or joking there, I should not think the settling of
an only bair