a penny cannon on a Fourth of June, when I was a haflins callant. I
thought my throat would have been cut with the black corded stock; for,
whenever I looked down, without thinking like, my chaff-blade played
clank against it, with such a dunt that I mostly chacked my tongue off.
And, as to the soaping of the hair, that beat cock-fighting. It was
really fearsome; but I could scarcely keep from laughing when I glee'd
round over my shoulder, and saw a glazed leather queue hanging for half
an ell down the braid of my back, and a pickle horse-hair curling out
like a rotten's tail at the far end of it. And then the worsted taissels
on the shoulders--and the lead buttons--and the yellow facings,--oh, but
it was grand! I sometimes fancied myself a general, and giving the word
of command. Then the pipeclayed breeches--but that was a sore job; many
a weary arm did they give me--beat-beating camstane into them.

The pipeclaying of the breeches, I was saying, was the most fashious job,
let alone courtship, that ever mortal man put his hand to. Indeed, there
was no end to the rubbing, and scrubbing, and brushing, and fyling, and
cleaning; for to the like of me, who was not well accustomed to the
thing, the whitening was continually coming off and destroying my red
coat, or my black leggings. I had mostly forgot to speak of the birse
for cleaning out the pan, and the piker for clearing the motion-hole. But
time enough till we come to firing.

Big Sam, who was a sergeant of the Fencibles, and enough to have put five
Frenchmen to flight any day of the year, whiles came to train us; and a
hard battle he had with more than me. I have already said, that nature
never intended me for the soldiering trade; and why should I hesitate
about confessing, that Sam never got me out of the awkward squad? But I
had two or three neighbours to keep me in countenance. A weary work we
made with the right, left--left, right,--right-wheel, left-wheel--to the
right about,--at ease,--attention,--by sections,--and all the rest of it.
But then there is nothing in the course of nature that is useless; and
what was to hinder me from acting as orderly, or being one of the camp-
colour-men on head days?

We all cracked very crouse about fighting, when we heard of garments
rolled in blood only from abroad; but one dark night we got a fleg in
sober earnest.

There were signal-posts on the hills, up and down all the country, to
make alarms in case of