d write something which should make her again
proud of me and reinstate myself with my teacher and schoolmates.
Suddenly it occurred to me that next time I would choose a subject of
which I knew something. Wonderful discovery, which has been of use to me
ever since; a bit as well as reins--this is the reason why I have not
been a prolific writer. Between one book and the next I am totally
forgotten. I found also thus early that one needs a muse. I had made a
blunder in not taking Launa into my counsels, say rather into my mind,
for I had never once thought of her while writing, nor that she would be
my audience. No, I thought only of myself, and the distinction I should
win all for myself. Thus experienced, I did not repeat my mistake. When
we were next called upon for compositions, I coaxed Launa to go with me
at the nooning to the shade of the old blacksmith shop, where I proposed
that we should write them together. There sentence by sentence I made my
little essay, covering one side of my slate, with Launa for inspirer and
critic. My subject was the saw-mill, that one I knew best. There was a
pricking of ears in the school-room when I named my humble subject, and
an elder boy by my side whispered, "Now, give us some sawdust." I
prospered this time and won a smile from Launa. Had I helped her at all
in her own composition? I know not; yet when she read, it seemed to me I
had written it myself. Such has always been my experience in regard to
writing which I have admired, and thought I could do as well--until I
tried.

Thus passed two happy summers and two lonely impatient winters; then I
was ill with a fever and came to the doors of death. I never resumed my
apprenticeship to the mill-wright. For some years succeeding my illness
I suffered from periodical sick headache which, before and after, was
accompanied by a dreadful depression, an indescribable apathy, a
distaste for food, for play, for everything: I wished myself dead. My
mother and sisters were very tender to me at this time; they amused me,
they petted me, and in the evening read to me stories out of Merry's
Museum and from the school readers. It was at this time I was sent on a
visit to Boston, perhaps for my health and spirits. I say sent, for I
went alone in a stage coach the thirty miles. Much preparation was made
for my journey and many letters passed to relatives in Boston concerning
it. I had a new cloak lined with bright red flannel, home-made, and a