talk of other things
with the idea of diverting her attention, she went and shut herself up
in her own room. It was distracting to know that he was still in Rome,
and that until nearly midnight, when the train left for Naples, it
would be possible to see him once more. If she had insisted, Madame
Bernard would have consented to go with her in a cab to find him. It
was hard to resist, as she sat by the window, listening to the distant
sound of wheels in the street; it was the first great temptation she
had ever felt in her life, and as she faced it she was surprised at
its strength. But she would not yield. In her own gentle womanliness
she found something she recognised but could not account for; was it
possible that she had some strength of character, after all? Could it
be that she inherited a little of that rigid will that had made her
father so like her idea of a Puritan? He had always told her that she
was weak, that she would be easily influenced by her surroundings,
that her only hope must be to obtain Divine aid for her feeble,
feminine nature. She had believed him, because he had taught her that
she must, even in the smallest things, and this was a great one.

But now something cruelly strong was tearing at her, to make her go into
the next room and beg Madame Bernard to help her find Giovanni, if only
that she might see his face and hear his voice and say good-bye just
once more. She laid her hands on the window-sill as if she would hold
herself down in her chair, and she refused to move; not because it
looked foolish, for that would not have mattered, but because she chose
not to yield. Perhaps she was too proud to give way, and pride, they
told her, was always a sin, but that did not matter either. There was an
unexpected satisfaction in finding one thin strand of steel among the
pliant threads of her untried young will.

Besides, she would have much to bear, and if she did not begin at
once, she would never grow used to the burden. That was another reason
for not following her instinct, and a very good one.

To help herself, she began to say one of those prayers of which she
knew so many by heart. To her surprise, it disturbed her instead of
strengthening her determination, and while her lips were moving she
felt an almost overwhelming impulse to do what she was determined not
to do at any cost. The sensation startled her, and in a moment she
felt that tide of darkness rising to drown her which had almost