turn pale, and answered nothing, he laughed
scornfully, turned his horse's head, and rode off in another direction.
After that the sight of Brother Jonathan became torture to me. I
always read the terrible accusation in his face, although he has never
uttered it; and I soon found he was equally obnoxious to my wife.
Indeed, she actually hated him; for, as she told me, he had persecuted
her with his love, long before I had ever been to Don Manuel's. She
shunned him as much as possible, whenever he came to the hacienda; and
it was most welcome news to both her and me when he told us his health
could not stand the climate any longer, and he only needed money to
take him to a colder climate. I gave him several thousands out of my
fortune, so as to get rid of him; and he, with his negro servant
Thomas, went to Bethlehem in Pennsylvania. To my relief, I saw no more
of him; he wrote to me some time afterwards, but I did not answer, and
never heard from him again. All this time the worm of self-accusation
was gnawing at my heart; but as long as Inez lived, I found happiness
in her love, so that not even the voice of conscience could be heard.
But when she was taken from me, then the cry arose in my heart: 'This
is my punishment; she has died for my sin!' and all peace vanished from
my existence. It was then that I formed the resolution to atone with
my life for the crime. I longed to sacrifice myself; to suffer for the
Lord's sake, and win over souls to the truth. I parted from you, the
one single thing that remained to me of Inez. I sold my lands in
Jamaica, and went wherever I was ordered--across the seas to India,
where the least work had as yet been done, and to various other parts
of the world. The rest you already know. No one can imagine how
gladly I have suffered, although those years of slavery and misery were
very grievous. I hoped thereby to win the favor of Heaven; and when I
was at last permitted to return home, I thought I saw in that an
assurance that my crime was forgiven. But it is all a mistake, Carmen,
for Brother Jonathan lives, and is here, and he is a perpetual reproach
to me. Every word he utters seems to refer to it, and I never fail to
shrink with pain from having him touch the sore point. He has it in
his power to bring my sin to light, at any time; and it is an evidence
of his great friendship for me that he has been hitherto silent. If
either you or I anger him, he will not allow our o