ng regarded as bad citizenship to encourage vagrancy, I would give
him nothing. What did you do then: Why, you made me say to myself, 'Ah,
it would have been so much kinder and more blameless to ease him off with
a little white lie, and send him away feeling that if he could not have
bread, the gentle treatment was at least something to be grateful for!'
Well, I suffered all day about that. Three days before I had fed a
tramp, and fed him freely, supposing it a virtuous act. Straight off you
said, 'Oh, false citizen, to have fed a tramp!' and I suffered as usual.
I gave a tramp work; you objected to it--after the contract was made,
of course; you never speak up beforehand. Next, I refused a tramp work;
you objected to that. Next, I proposed to kill a tramp; you kept me
awake all night, oozing remorse at every pore. Sure I was going to be
right this time, I sent the next tramp away with my benediction; and I
wish you may live as long as I do, if you didn't make me smart all night
again because I didn't kill him. Is there any way of satisfying that
malignant invention which is called a conscience?"

"Ha, ha! this is luxury! Go on!"

"But come, now, answer me that question. Is there any way?"

"Well, none that I propose to tell you, my son. Ass! I don't care what
act you may turn your hand to, I can straightway whisper a word in your
ear and make you think you have committed a dreadful meanness. It is my
business--and my joy--to make you repent of everything you do. If I have
fooled away any opportunities it was not intentional; I beg to assure you
it was not intentional!"

"Don't worry; you haven't missed a trick that I know of. I never did a
thing in all my life, virtuous or otherwise, that I didn't repent of in
twenty-four hours. In church last Sunday I listened to a charity sermon.
My first impulse was to give three hundred and fifty dollars; I repented
of that and reduced it a hundred; repented of that and reduced it another
hundred; repented of that and reduced it another hundred; repented of
that and reduced the remaining fifty to twenty-five; repented of that and
came down to fifteen; repented of that and dropped to two dollars and a
half; when the plate came around at last, I repented once more and
contributed ten cents. Well, when I got home, I did wish to goodness I
had that ten cents back again! You never did let me get through a
charity sermon without having something to sweat about."

"Oh