ly benefit the individual soul,
and after all what was it but a protracted suicide? I do not condemn it.
The Church has opened these tombs in which life is buried; no doubt they
are needful for those few Christians who are absolutely useless to
the world; but for me, it would be better, I thought, to live among my
fellows, to devote my life of expiation to their service.

"As I returned I thought long and carefully over the various ways in
which I could carry out my vow of renunciation. Already I began, in
fancy, to lead the life of a common sailor, condemning myself to serve
our country in the lowest ranks, and giving up all my intellectual
ambitions; but though it was a life of toil and of self-abnegation, it
seemed to me that I ought to do more than this. Should I not thwart the
designs of God by leading such a life? If He had given me intellectual
ability, was it not my duty to employ it for the good of my fellow-men?
Then, besides, if I am to speak frankly, I felt within me a need of my
fellow-men, an indescribable wish to help them. The round of mechanical
duties and the routine tasks of the sailor afforded no scope for this
desire, which is as much an outcome of my nature as the characteristic
scent that a flower breathes forth.

"I was obliged to spend the night here, as I have already told you.
The wretched condition of the countryside had filled me with pity, and
during the night it seemed as if these thoughts had been sent to me by
God, and that thus He had revealed His will to me. I had known something
of the joys that pierce the heart, the happiness and the sorrow of
motherhood; I determined that henceforth my life should be filled with
these, but that mine should be a wider sphere than a mother's. I would
expend her care and kindness on the whole district; I would be a
sister of charity, and bind the wounds of all the suffering poor in a
countryside. It seemed to me that the finger of God unmistakably pointed
out my destiny; and when I remembered that my first serious thoughts
in youth had inclined me to the study of medicine, I resolved to
settle here as a doctor. Besides, I had another reason. _For a wounded
heart--shadow and silence_; so I had written in my letter; and I meant
to fulfil the vow which I had made to myself.

"So I have entered into the paths of silence and submission. The _fuge,
late, tace_ of the Carthusian brother is my motto here, my death to the
world is the life of this canton, my