need to
work, until we have had some experience of life. I came and went without
giving an account of my actions to any one; there was no need to do so
now unless I wished, and I relished liberty with all the keen capacity
for enjoyment that we have in Languedoc. I did not absolutely forget the
ties that bound me; but I was so absorbed in other matters of interest,
that my mind was distracted from them, and little by little the
recollection of them faded away. Letters full of heartfelt tenderness
reached me; but at two-and-twenty a young man imagines that all women
are alike tender; he does not know love from a passing infatuation; all
things are confused in the sensations of pleasure which seem at first
to comprise everything. It was only later, when I came to a clearer
knowledge of men and of things as they are, that I could estimate those
noble letters at their just worth. No trace of selfishness was mingled
with the feeling expressed in them; there was nothing but gladness on
my account for my change of fortune, and regret on her own; it never
occurred to her that I could change towards her, for she felt that she
herself was incapable of change. But even then I had given myself up to
ambitious dreams; I thought of drinking deeply of all the delights that
wealth could give, of becoming a person of consequence, of making a
brilliant marriage. So I read the letters, and contented myself with
saying, 'She is very fond of me,' with the indifference of a coxcomb.
Even then I was perplexed as to how to extricate myself from this
entanglement; I was ashamed of it, and this fact as well as my
perplexity led me to be cruel. We begin by wounding the victim, and then
we kill it, that the sight of our cruelty may no longer put us to the
blush. Late reflections upon those days of error have unveiled for me
many a dark depth in the human heart. Yes, believe me, those who best
have fathomed the good and evil in human nature have honestly examined
themselves in the first instance. Conscience is the starting-point of
our investigations; we proceed from ourselves to others, never from
others to ourselves.

"When I returned to Paris I took up my abode in a large house which,
in pursuance with my orders, had been taken for me, and the one person
interested in my return and change of address was not informed of it. I
wished to cut a figure among young men of fashion. I waited a few
days to taste the first delights of wealth; and when, fl