een subjected to an unusual test that night, and
when the Captain, well satisfied with his night's work, courteously
invited me to have another glass of schnapps with him I accepted with
alacrity. The glass was hardly at my lips when an orderly announced
that we were at anchor in the shed. Thanking the brave Captain for the
most wonderful experience of a not uninteresting lifetime, I hurried
away to my hotel and fell into a deep slumber. When I awoke late that
afternoon my manservant placed in my hand the last edition of the
London _Times_. It stated that there had been a Zeppelin raid, and
that 19 civilians, three cows, four churches, two rows of cottages,
one omnibus, and no soldiers had been destroyed.

I smiled--enigmatically.

* * * * *

"Socialist Working Man, aged 25, would welcome companionship
of Socialist exempted conscientious objector, chiefly for
week-end cycling; or athletic lady holding similar views
would suit, residing North Kent area."
_Socialist Paper._

It would be much better for him to meet an athletic lady not holding
similar views.

* * * * *

THE OCC. POET'S APOLOGIA.

Where the moon's unmitigated crescent,
Sailing through the amethystine deeps,
With a smile sardonic and senescent
Down upon our Armageddon peeps;
Thither, drawn by sympathy ecstatic,
Like a shooting star my spirit flies
From the company of gross, lymphatic
Souls entangled by terrestrial ties.

Where the sombre azimuths are booming,
Flecked with argent elemental foam,
And the stately colocynths are blooming
In a salicylic monochrome;
There, transported on pellucid pinions,
Sick of common sense I seek repose,
Far from the disconsolate dominions
Tainted by the tyranny of prose.

O'er the whole translunar gamut ranging.
There my astral body slides and skims,
Choriambic melodies exchanging
With the apolaustic cherubims;
Weaving in a polyphonic pattern
Harmonies that mock at clefs and bars;
Toying with the shining rings of Saturn,
Throwing star-dust in the eyes of Mars.

There, suspended in a sumptuous limbo,
Like a happier version of the boy
Drawn by Mr. BLACKWOOD in his _Jimbo_,
I shall taste of bliss without alloy;
Other minstrels may indulge in fighting,
I myself cannot so far forget
As to shun